Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
3 2 1 whiskey
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
