how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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