Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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