Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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