No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
