When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
