From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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