He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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