i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Operation Purity has been aborted
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
