We're like a lot better than the average bears
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize