Your dad touched me again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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