Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
