Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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