Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Randomize
