what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
