you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
