I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
