How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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