My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
