Got a toothbrush?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
