Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
