The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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