Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
