When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
