got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
cat food counts as protein by the way
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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