We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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