He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
