Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
