Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
