I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
