He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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