i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
