onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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