sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
