I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
