please come you make the beer taste better
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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