I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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