How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
