READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize