end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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