Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
