So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
literally had 100 drinks last night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
