PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
