I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
