Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
