so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
