you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
