ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
