did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
