You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
