it wasn't lemon gatorade
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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