It's Friday. Sex?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
