I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
