You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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