I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
