So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
