he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize