Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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