My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
