is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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