who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
