why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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