Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this just has baby written all over it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
