Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
