My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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