i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
