no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
