that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
